Can ex-lovers be friends? Yes, on a different level, if relationship experts are to be believed.
At one point of time, he was the one who occupied every waking moment of your life. You shared your darkest and deepest secrets with him and life before meeting him seemed unreal. But then, differences crept in and the very person whom you adored became the bane of your life. All you wanted was to get him out of your life and move on.
But wait, does that mean he and you have nothing in common anymore? “It depends on the kind of relationship you were in,” says Savitha Mohan, a relationship counsellor. “If the relationship has been the passionate/tempestuous kind or had an ugly breakup at the end, it is indeed very difficult for the couple to be friends. You start associating the ex with pain and worry and would be better off to cut them out of your life.”
However, in cases such as in those where the couple has known each other for years and have common friends, it would be literally impossible to be completely cut off from each other. Says Meghna, who works in an investment firm – “Me and Abhijit were good friends and business partners before we got into a romantic relationship. That aspect of our relationship still continues even after we broke up.”
Meghna has started seeing someone else but she and Abhijit don’t discuss their love lives, she says. “Neither do I want to know.” Still, problems might arise if your new partner doesn’t approve of your keeping in touch with your exes, according to the counsellor. The thumb rule for those who want to be friends with their ex, she says, is to give it some time in the first place; nobody can be friends from the day after the break-up! Also, you have to be certain that you are over the person and have no issues seeing them with someone else.
Well, there seems to be no hard and fast rule when it comes to being friends with your ex. If it doesn’t affect your current relationships and both of you are comfortable with the equation, why not? After all, there is nobody who knows you better than an ex!