 nicole style
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Nicole Kidman:
"When I Love, I Love So Much. It's Dangerous"
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 Your schedule must be manic. Do you have any time left for a life?Sure, I make time for it. I’m extremely protective of my kids. Weekends are for them and that’s it. It’s not fair if things start to seep into their time. If I don’t get stuff done in work hours, then I don’t get it done.
Tell us about Cold Mountain.
It was an extraordinary experience. The actors were in a capsule, filming for 7 months, and working on something that we all felt passionate about. Anthony’s got such depth and is a true artist. Also, I felt that I found myself with my character, Ada. She’s very similar to me: how she was raised, her relationship with her father, being more adept at the delicacies of life rather than the practicalities. Anthony used to say that I walk around with my head in the clouds. He said Ada and I were like Air, while [co-star] Renee Zellweger was Earth. Ada comes from a privileged background and then struggles when she hits hard times. How privileged do you feel? I had enormous privileges as I grew up. My family was very protective and loving, and I was in a very stimulating environment. We were encouraged to play the piano, violin, learn languages. Both my parents are avid readers and we’d always be discussing books. As a family unit, the Kidmans are very close; impenetrable, it’s been said. It teaches you loyalty and to protect the people you love, and gives you a strong sense of who’s truly important. Ultimately, you’re left with the people you love and who love you; everything else fades into oblivion.
Filming was sullied by gossip about Jude Law and the breakdown of his marriage. You’ve been through the same experience; how painful was Jude’s suffering for you?
To be honest, it’s none of my business. We should give them the space to find their way.
Do you speak to him now?
Oh, yes! Of course. We’re good friends.
You’ve been called an intellectual flirt. True or false?
[Incredulous] I’m a flirt? Gosh, no! I’m not confident enough to be a sexual flirt, but I suppose I do enjoy challenging someone intellectually. Even so, flirting is not my strength. I’m affectionate, but that’s all.
Women seem to be important to you.
My sister, Antonia, and I are like twins. The bond between me and my Mum is indestructible. And I just love my girlfriends. I grew up surrounded by women…the only males were my dad and the cat. It’s a harsh world and women need to look out for each other. My sister and I pledge allegiance to each other, then nobody can harm us. So many times, the men leave, but the women are still there. Except I must say that my dad was amazing through my divorce – a pillar of strength.
Blessed with ‘a wonderful family environment’ while growing up, Nicole strives to emulate the same with her own children, son Connor, 8, and daughter Isabella, 10. ‘I want the children to know that no matter what happens, they will always have someone to love and protect them. They can say anything to their mum and it will fall on ears that are not judgemental.’ Nicole prides herself on being a working mum. In another hour, she’s expecting the children at the set of The Stepford Wives. Nicole is clearly excited about seeing them: ‘They come to work whenever it’s possible,’ she says, ‘I love having them around, but to be honest, they find it really boring.’
Now that you’re single, do you feel liberated to concentrate on your career?
I wouldn’t say that. Immediately after the break-up, I was such a mess, I couldn’t do anything. I pulled out of almost everything and went into a shell. I took on The Hours, but a character like Virginia was a gift at that time. I discovered this woman who was in a constant struggle, asking questions like, ‘What is life? What is death?’ But still, she did it with an enormous joie de vivre and hope. The lessons which came through her to me were incredible. They lifted me up and took me to a different place.
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What drives you on?
I’m now in a position where I’m getting to play the most glorious women. I have a love for my art, which is still so pure it drives me through. Working on a film or a play, and putting something out into the world that I’m proud of, is still amazing. And although I’m constantly under scrutiny it’s still worth it. Whether or not it will remain that way, I can’t say. I read you’d give it all up for love. What would you do instead? Part of me is preparing for things to be different in, say, 5 years’ time. So I’m thinking, ‘Where do I want to go? What do I want to do that isn’t based on all this craziness?’ You know, I would love to work with a school, perhaps set up something in Vietnam, teaching children. It would mean spending a good part of my life taking care of other people. Hold me to it. Truly.
Where’s home these days?
I spend an enormous amount of time in Australia. I’m heading back there soon for a holiday. My sister just had her third baby and it’s my parents’ 40th anniversary in December, so I’ve got loads of commitments.
Will you settle back there?
I don’t know where I’m going to end up, to be honest. I read all this stuff saying I’ve got a place in New York and another London: it’s not true. I’ve got a house in Sydney and then rent wherever I’m working. It’s so funny, all this stuff that’s written and just isn’t true. Unless you dispute it, which I rarely do because I can’t be bothered, it’s suddenly held up as fact. But I’m extremely protective of my children, and I won’t compromise their privacy. My own parents are incredibly private too. It was hard enough to get them to the Academy Awards.
But didn’t you take your daughter?
She was desperate to go, but I didn’t want her photographed, so I sneaked her in the back. I didn’t want my son to be there because he was too young and it would have been overwhelming, if I get nominated again, I’ve promised he gets to come. Now. I’ve got a lot of pressure on me to be nominated. It was an amazing experience. Beforehand, Bella said the sweetest thing: that she wanted to be there not because I might win, but because I might lose. That’s the unconditional love of a child. When I won, it was so much about my mum and Bella. That was my proudest moment, standing in front of them. It was cool. But hey, this is how unglamorous it was: I went to the Vanity Fair party for about 15 minutes and I forgot to take the Oscar in. I left it in the car. I was told I was supposed to carry it around, and I was like, ‘Really? Isn’t that showing off?’ Then, I went back to the hotel with my mum, dad and daughter, sat on the floor of my room and ate fries and drank champagne. Bella had Coke. I thought, this is what it’s really like, guys. It’s not living it up till 5am, it’s a party on the carpet. But, boy, that whole experience was joyful and is etched on all of our psyches.
And you rang Tom?
Yes, I rang him from the car. He already knew, I suppose he watched the show on TV. We’d been together a long time, and you can’t ignore that. I wanted to talk to him. I told him he would win one some day. In her own words, Nicole described herself as ‘sacked’ from her marriage. The seemingly perfect couple separated on 5 February 2001 after just over 10 years of marriage, leaving Nicole reeling. ‘when I love, I love so much, it’s dangerous,’ she admits. ‘Losing that was terrifying. I was so afraid, being alone.’ Talking about the divorce, her sentences are dotted with deep sighs and voice falters, heavy with the weight of dark memories.
You talked openly about being devastated by divorce. Have you ever regretted that?
There are certain things you can’t fake. When Moulin Rouge came out, my career suddenly changed, but at the same time, my whole life fell apart. It was the loneliest time. I used to shake constantly and think, ‘God, I’m all alone.’ It was terrifying and I couldn’t cover that up. In some ways, I was glad it could be said and people understood. I wasn’t torn to shreds – everyone was sympathetic and that gave me such belief in the goodness of people. Most of us have been through enormous pain and when we see someone else going through it, we have compassion. Over a period of four weeks, so many awful things happened to me: I lost a baby… that was terrible. Things you believe in don’t turn out to be what you thought they were. I stopped, looked at what was and realised life had bought me to my knees.
What was going through your head when you were photographed jumping for joy post-divorce?
That was complete fallacy. I never did that. I don’t even know where that picture was taken. I must have been with a girlfriend, just playing around. I should have gone out here and stated that it was a complete lie, but I had too many other more important things to think about. It’s outrageous and just shows you that a photo can be taken from anywhere, given a caption and suddenly it becomes truth. That’s frightening.
And now?
I’d like to protect my next relationship. I don’t want to be part of a ‘duo’, if you know what I mean. Obviously, and relationship will be hard because of the fame thing, and he’ll need to be a hell of man to cope with it. You don’t choose who you fall in love with… but my God, if I fall in love with someone famous, I have to consider carefully what that will entail. I’m willing to take on a lot for love, but…
How would you like your life to pan out?
I’d be totally into getting married again.
More children?
I’d love to have a baby.
So, the long term plan?
To be happy.
Marie Claire, November 2003
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